To date or not to date
I've been contemplating on whether it mattered if I dated a Christian girl or a non-Christian. For the longest time, I figured as a Christian I should only naturally date Christian girls, but the question has become why. I know it makes sense that it would make things easier to date someone of the same faith, but lately it hasn't. Two of my Christian friends have gone through or is in process of divorce. One of my friend's wife left him after only a year of marriage as soon as her debts were paid off. They met each other at church. Another friend of mine is in the process of divorce where his wife cheated on him twice. They met at Bible college. Another guy I know went through a divorce a couple of years ago where his wife left him for his sister's husband whom she is now divorced from as well. The guy met his ex-wife in a college and career adults group from their church.
My buddy and I were having a discussion about dating and whether dating a girl of the same background made things any easier whether it be ethnic background, religion, interests, or others. We both agreed that just forming a relationship with a girl is no easy task in itself.
In a lot of cases, I seem to find it much easier to talk to a non-Christian girl I meet for the first time than a Christian girl. Some non-Christian girls I find are really good at small talk which can lead to great conversations. Maybe it's because they get out more socializing in bars and night clubs...I dunno. When I try to engage in a simple conversation with some Christian girls I've met for the first time I find they throw up a wall and wonder why is this guy talking to me. Is he interested in me? The conversation becomes awkward and very brief. In my mind, I'm like just relax, I just want to chat. I know I'm generalizing here, but this is what I've been experiencing as of late.
I think what I find difficult about dating Christian girls is that they have these very high expectations of what they're looking for in a guy. Not to say that non-Christian girls don't, but I find that some Christian girls need to relax and not think if this is the guy they are supposed to marry.
Whether I end up with a Christian girl or not, my buddy and I both agree that the most important aspect of any relationship is trust. Without 100% trust in the relationship, nothing can save it.
Peace.
My buddy and I were having a discussion about dating and whether dating a girl of the same background made things any easier whether it be ethnic background, religion, interests, or others. We both agreed that just forming a relationship with a girl is no easy task in itself.
In a lot of cases, I seem to find it much easier to talk to a non-Christian girl I meet for the first time than a Christian girl. Some non-Christian girls I find are really good at small talk which can lead to great conversations. Maybe it's because they get out more socializing in bars and night clubs...I dunno. When I try to engage in a simple conversation with some Christian girls I've met for the first time I find they throw up a wall and wonder why is this guy talking to me. Is he interested in me? The conversation becomes awkward and very brief. In my mind, I'm like just relax, I just want to chat. I know I'm generalizing here, but this is what I've been experiencing as of late.
I think what I find difficult about dating Christian girls is that they have these very high expectations of what they're looking for in a guy. Not to say that non-Christian girls don't, but I find that some Christian girls need to relax and not think if this is the guy they are supposed to marry.
Whether I end up with a Christian girl or not, my buddy and I both agree that the most important aspect of any relationship is trust. Without 100% trust in the relationship, nothing can save it.
Peace.
posted by Arnold at 9:44 PM
4 Comments:
Interesting piece of food for thought.
hmm. I think there are good, amazing Christian girls out there...I think it's VERY dangerous to generalize these things.
Christian or not, relationships take work. but I think you have a better chance of making it work when you have the same faith as opposed to not. Just b/c you have friends that have been divorced and are Christians, doesn't mean there aren't another dozen stories like that out there pertaining to non-Christians.
I just think we all need to be careful either way, to not settle...and find someone who you truly like from the inside out and who truly understands and values you for you. Unfortunately these things take time...but it's wayyyyyyy better to wait than to just find someone to be with and be married to someone you don't like or who isn't right for you. wayyyyyyyyyyy worse to end up with a crappy marriage. That's my opinion!
Thanks Mindy. I'm sure the girl I end up with will require your and Tom's approval. At least I'll make that a rule for myself. :)
good post, arnold... you're right, it's definitely a tough choice. countless stats out there say the divorce rate among christians is the same as or higher than non-christians. unfortunately, christians are regular people too, prone to the same mistakes and temptations as anyone else.
i agree with mindy - christian or not, there is a lot of work that goes into a relationship, and that work becomes easier when you're both looking at things from the same perspective. a friend of ours got divorced in the summer, barely past their first anniversary. she's christian, he isn't - and when things got tough, they had completly opposing beliefs on how to deal with them, so the only option they had was divorce.
maybe this is oversimplifying it - would you, as a die-hard 'nucks fan, want to be with someone who preferred the leafs? :)
as an "old married guy", if there's any advice i can give you, it would be to look past the fun times of hanging out, the good looks (i'm talking about you, of course ;)), the easy conversation, etc... and just observe. observe how she treats people, be it your friends, or a server at a restaurant when her order is messed up. observe how she talks about people. observe the choices she makes and the way she makes them. and observe how she treats you. it's staggering how much you can find out about a person in the way they interact with those around them.
and, as mindy wisely said - never settle.
Post a Comment
<< Home