Monday, August 31, 2009

Ghetto Livin'

I am looking out my window at the view of the dumpster where I am so often awoken early in the morning by binners and divers. On my way home from work this evening, I walked by a hooker drugged up swaying to-and-fro and another one walking in spike high heels that sounded like horse shoes down the middle of the street. They were next to children playing in the park. Ghetto livin' my friends.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Medical Advice

I'm On A Train - Ep. 5 - A drunken homeless man raves about hot dogs. He says he wants to go to Surrey, but I tell him we're going to Vancouver. He says, "Sure, why not." He tells me he's been on the street for 14 years. He asks me what happened to my foot. I tell him the story and he gives me medical advice not to stand on it. As I get off at my station, he yells at me, "Don't walk on it man! Don't do it!"

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Where's My Money?

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 11 - At the stop, I sat beside a large man. A woman sat next to me. The man leaned over and said to the woman, "Where's my rent money?" She said, "You're drunk." The man said, "I want it right now!" I was going to say something, but then I realized that if he started a fight that a) my fist would bounce off his beer belly and b) if I ran away, he would catch me. Then, the woman gave him the money.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Concerned Parent

I was waiting for my Quiznos when a lady comes up from behind me with a very concerned look on her face. She points to a little Asian boy wandering around and asks me, "Is that your boy?" She probably thought I was a terrible parent. I said, "Yeah, so what?" Just kidding. I said, "No." And as soon as she was about to walk over to the boy, his dad picks him up.

Paying Attention

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 10 - A man asks the driver if he can ride for free for a couple of blocks. The driver says, "Okay." As we approach a bus stop, he walks towards the front and stops suddenly. An old woman not paying attention barely pushes her buggy into the back of his leg. He yelps and says, "Ow!" and then proceeds to limp off the bus. The woman tries to apologize as he gives her an evil stare. Drama.

Monday, August 24, 2009

I'm Not Alone

I met two strangers on my way back from physio that know what I'm going through. One guy fractured his foot from a load of steel that fell on his foot. Another guy played football for SFU and destroyed both his elbows. Crutches make a good conversation piece.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Different Worlds

I was eating at a pizza shop when the owner was drinking coffee and speaking on his cell. A customer entered the shop talking on his cell. The customer looked at the owner, used the peace sign to indicate 2 slices, and the owner while talking on his cell rung in the sale. No words were exchanged. It was hilarious watching them. We are busy in our own little worlds.

Thursday, August 13, 2009


I was walking home from work and a man in his 50s yells out to me from his window. He asks me what happened to my leg. He tells me that he was using crutches for 12 weeks. We share our stories and he asks if there is a lady in my life. Then, he asks me if I want to go for a beer on Friday. I told him I was going away. He told me to drop by whenever I'm free. Either he needs a friend or is a creeper. I was disturbed.

Velcro Shoe

I'm On A Train - Ep. 4 - Last night at 11 pm while waiting for the train, I saw a man being chased by what looked like an 8 year old boy and 10 year old girl asking him for money. Then the boy asked me for money, and I said, "No." As if they were going to buy a ticket, they were going to hop on the train anyway. He then made fun of my velcro shoe. Punk kid! Where were their parents?

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

Bomb Threat

I'm On A Train - Ep. 3 - Gong show tonight. A bomb is found at Metrotown closing the station. It takes me one hour to get to Edmonds Station. A bus called "SkyTrain Special" shows up and a huge crowd dashes like the running of the bulls. An old lady is shoved and I get pushed around. I'm like why is everyone getting on SkyTrain Special? It leaves and then Metrotown bus shows up. Hardly anyone on it. I was like sweet!

Sunday, August 09, 2009

Coffee Stains

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 9 - While sitting, a guy standing next to me says, "What the hell is on my head?" I look up and I see this lady holding her coffee mug way up in the air doing a balancing act. She turns around and apologizes for spilling coffee on his head. The drops then ricochet off his head and onto my shorts. Good thing it wasn't piping hot. There's a reason why there's a "No Food Or Drink" sign on the bus.

Friday, August 07, 2009


I'm On A Train - Ep. 2.5 - I ran into the same two teen boys on the same elevator exactly 8 hours later. Strange world we live in. Boy 1 asked me if the train on the right side goes to Science World and how much the fine would be without a ticket. On the train, a man asked me what station we were at. I felt like a tourist info booth.

Dead Cell Phone

I'm On A Train - Ep. 2 - Two teen boys board the SkyTrain elevator with me. Here is their conversation. Boy 1 says, "I thought your cell phone was dead?" Boy 2 talking on his cell says, "Nope." Boy 1 says, "How come mine's dead? I want yours to be dead too." I cringed at the conversation. On the train, they blurted out that they hate the BC Lions. I was going to say, "Watch your back, boys! You're in Lion country."

Wednesday, August 05, 2009

Damn Kids!

I'm On A Train - Ep. 1 - A teenage girl sitting behind me chews her gum loudly and talks drama on her cell phone. She said her friend let people touch her friend's boobs at a party. Another teenage boy fights to get his cell phone back from his friend where the F-word is used as a noun, verb, and adjective. I felt like an old man wanting to shake my crutch at them and say, "Learn some manners, you damn kids!"

I'm On A Bus

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 1 - Only in Surrey. I was waiting for my bus and a lady asks me to buy her a bottle of water. I had no change. I told her my bus is coming any minute and I'm on crutches. The bus doesn't show up and I wait almost an hour. I get on the bus, then get to the transfer station where I take another bus, and the driver ends up missing a turn and has to back track to his proper route. Total trip = 2 hours to Delta. And it's hot!

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 2 - I saw a lady drop her bag of plums on the bus this morning and watched the little fruit roll up and down the aisle as the bus drove up and down hills. The driver had a perplexed look. The whole scenario was hilarious!

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 3 - I sat with a Mexican family on the bus this morning. It reminded him of taking the bus in LA. The man was trying to learn English and French at the same time and the woman was helping him out in Spanish. Culture is great!

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 4 - I listened to a conversation at the bus stop. A guy asks a lady to buy a smoke for a dollar. They are menthol. He says he'll smoke anything. He then tells her he smokes a lot and ran out of smokes after work. A girl asks the lady for a smoke, but she says she's going to run out of smokes. She comes back telling the girl she found an extra pack in her purse and that she can have a smoke. They all light up.

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 5 - An older man walks onto the bus and sees my crutch thinking it's a post, so he grabbed it to brace himself and to his surprise it wasn't sturdy as I had to hold tight. He apologized, and I said that's alright. Before he got off, he paused, looked at me smiling and said, "Have a good day!" I said, "Thanks!" And just past him I noticed a beer can. Someone's been drinking early this morning.

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 6 - I'm sitting at the bus stop and a lady walks up to me and asks if the bus had gone. I said, "No, it should be here in a few minutes." But it actually should have shown up a minute ago which the bus then comes. The lady gets on the bus and says to the driver, "You are a minute late!" The driver was like excuse me, and said, "It's not a guaranteed time!" I think the heat is making people snappy.

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 7 - I'm waiting for my bus and another bus pulls up where a beautiful girl steps off and proceeds towards the bench I'm sitting on. She briefly looks at me with a smile and sits right next to me. The bench is about 15 feet long with only the two of us on it. Does this mean anything? I noticed her toenails were painted green and she smelled good.

I'm On A Bus - Ep. 8 - A guy hops on my bus and looks at his ticket trying to figure out which way it goes into the machine. The driver says it's the direction where the arrow points. As we cruise along, the guy walks up and says he wants to get to a certain street. The driver says he is on the wrong bus. The guy pulls the stop and runs to the exit where he doesn't know how to get out. A man yells, "Push the handle!"